Chapter 1: The Research of Suzumiya Haruhi

            It was just a normal day in my thoroughly abnormal High School life as I trudged up the sun beaten road on my daily death march. Inside my green school uniform I could feel myself stewing, a wonderful prelude to a hot summer school day. Well, I say that it was summer, but in reality it was still more late spring, before the change to summer uniforms. All around me my fellow sufferers trudged slowly upwards until we found refuge in the school building. After exchanging my shoes, as per usual I found my way into the classroom and sat down. By some miraculous stroke of fortune, or perhaps misfortune, Haruhi didn’t arrive until class began, and I was spared having to listen to her complain once again about the heat.

            Lunch came and went with no major events, and the day passed peacefully enough. Finally, after school, I walked to the club room. Outside the door a new sign was pasted, the big red letters “SOS Brigade” (The Suzumiya Haruhi Brigade to Bring More Excitement to the World, for those of you with the good fortune of not being involved in one of our Great Leader’s schemes) were scrawled and surrounded by colorful designs that crisscrossed and ran about in a way that no normal person could conceive, which gave me a good clue as to who had created such a thing.

            With a sigh, I swung the door open and walked in. As per usual, a myriad of random things littered the room, but the primary features remained the same, with the long table in the center of the room clear besides for the old Othello board I had brought from home to help burn time. Seated in a chair at the table and with a smile on his face, as always, Henchman #1, Koizumi Itsuki, turned and waved to me as I entered. He was, for all intents and purposes, a nice guy, but who knew what was going inside that head of his. In the corner of the room, Henchman #2, Nagato Yuki, sat with her face buried in her book. As always, the smallish girl stared blankly at the book, some English novel about sand, through her glasses, seemingly oblivious to the outside world, although by now I knew better than to think that.

            Henchman #3, on the other hand, was busy with a tea set on the other side of the room. While bigger than Nagato, Asahina Mikuru was not exactly an intimidating sight, although she was quite a pretty one. With large puppy dog eyes and a face that such a cute face, you might find about 10 on her level in the entire city. And despite her small frame, you could tell at a glance that her breasts were anything but modest. As soon as I had entered the room she had spun around with her typical Deer-in-the-headlights look which was slowly turning into a smile.

            Across from the door and on the other side of the central table, a lone school desk that had been stolen from who knows where sat, holding a computer that had been “procured” from the Computer Research Club in a feat of blackmail worthy of legend. A black pyramid inscribed with the words Brigade Leader sat next to the computer, and the Brigade Leader in question sat staring intently at the computer monitor from a chair behind the desk. She was a beautiful girl, well proportioned and athletic with a cute face, all that you could ever ask for, as long as she stayed quiet. The moment she opened her mouth you knew that something had gone horribly, horribly wrong. I won’t go into details, but Suzumiya Haruhi was a force to be reckoned with, but reckoned with over what I still have no idea.

            “Kyon! You’re late!”

            I really hate that nickname. Why does everyone call me that? Nevertheless, I mumbled an excuse and walked over to an empty chair at the long table in the middle of the room. Haruhi seemed to lose interest in me and returned her attention to the monitor.

            “Kyon-kun, here you go,” Asahina said in her unsteady voice as she placed a cup of tea in front of me. For some reason she was wearing the maid costume again, following Haruhi’s commands. Well, not that I’m complaining. It definitely suits her.

            As per usual, we didn’t do anything in the club. Koizumi and me played a few games of Othello, with Asahina watching. Nagato read her book, and Haruhi stared at the computer like it had killed her parents. After a while, I got up and let Asahina play, I think, at that moment, I lost my mind. Completely flew the coup. For some reason, I walked around behind Haruhi and looked at what she was paying so much attention to. It was certainly something I had not expected.

            “GTS.” What’s that? Like the car? It seemed like she hadn’t noticed I was standing behind her or was completely ignoring me, I couldn’t really tell. I kept on watching for a few minutes, but the text was too small for me to read until she opened a picture, some type of photo collage showing a woman destroying a city. Haruhi’s head nodded up and down with a barely audible “Yeah, yeah.”

            Wait, what the hell was she agreeing with?

            Well, it wasn’t really that surprising. Wasn’t it Haruhi who was always talking about wanting to have a more interesting life? This type of stuff seemed to be her speed. But in another sense, it was a bit alarming. After all, this was Haruhi we were talking about. Things she want have a tendency to actually happen, and I like my city without the remodeling that a giant foot would provide, thank you very much. Although if the hill that the school was on top of was flattened, I can’t say I’d complain. Still ignoring my presence, she opened up part of another story, “Alice in Wonderland” and began enthusiastically reading.

            I threw a sidelong glance at Koizumi, who just smiled at me as usual, and looked at Asahina and Nagato, who were too absorbed in what they were doing to notice me looking at them. With a shrug, I turned to look at the monitor again, but suddenly Haruhi sprang upwards, sending her chair backwards and knocking me off balance, causing me to fall into the wall, but luckily not out the window.

            Ouch.

            With an enthusiastic yell seemingly oblivious to what had happened behind her, Haruhi declared that club time was over and took off out the door like a rocket.

            “Kyon-kun, are you ok?” Asahina said worriedly, rushing over to where I lay mortally wounded. Somewhat.

            Well, whatever.

            The next day happened much the same as the one before it, except that Haruhi never showed up to class. Well, that isn’t too unusual, so no reason to worry. It wasn’t until after school that our leader appeared, bursting into the clubroom in such a way that caused Asahina to squeal in surprise. In her hand she held a brown bag with the words EAT ME scrawled in English, while her face was covered in a massive “Cat who ate the Canary” smile. With a confident laugh, she began talking.

            “See? Look at what I got! They’re cookies! Like in Alice in Wonderland!”

            So, what are we now, Fairy Tale characters?

            “It should be interesting, right?” She continued, in her own little world.

            “What are you thi…” I began, but stopped as I noticed Haruhi begin to take rather menacing looking steps towards the maid costumed Asahina, who already looked on the verge of tears. Well, it figures that she’d make her “toy” try them first. Worried that maybe Haruhi had bought those cookies from some shady type on the internet that had done something to them I began moving to stop her, but I was too slow. With a pounce, Haruhi jumped on Asahina and drew a cookie out of the bag, then broke it in half twice so that she held a quarter piece of it, then forced open Asahina’s mouth and shoved it in between her panicked squeals. Working together Koizumi and me pulled Haruhi off and across the room while Asahina stood there stunned, slowly swallowing. She stood there staring blankly at the door, quiet.

            All this time Nagato had been sitting in the corner quietly reading her book, but suddenly she stood up. “Danger.” She said in her soft voice, looking at Asahina, who stood straight as a board for a second, then suddenly bent over and screamed.

            “Nooooo!” The words came out in typical Asahina fashion, but sounded louder than I remembered. Her hands grabbed her arms tightly, gripping the purple material of the maid uniform she was wearing. There was some type of weird movement going on underneath the uniform. Maybe my eyes deceived me, but it looked like the sleeves were pulling backwards and the hem of her skirt were rising upwards. Everyone in the room stared at Asahina, enthralled and wondering what would happen next.

            The smile on Haruhi’s face had vanished as she watched, her eyes darting downwards to the EAT ME bag she held in her hands every once in a while.

            The sound of clothes ripping tore my attention back to Asahina, whose trademark squeaks were coming more and more rapidly now. Her arms pressed violently against the tightening fabric which slowly began to give way, while her generous assets seemed eager to make an escape out the front door. Buttons popped off and hit the door in front of her, making a thudding sound that surely surprised anyone outside. With a crunching sound, her feet blew free of her shoes, leaving her in the remains of her socks. By now, her sleeves were a lost cause, along with most of the rest of the cloth on her torso, which began to fall off, causing Asahina to squeal again. Now all that was left was the rather ridiculous looking skirt of the maid uniform, which grew tigher and tighter on her until it popped off, displaying Asahina Mikuru in her full glory, or at least almost full glory. For some reason her bra and panties seemed to be growing with her. Damn. Nevertheless, it was still quite the sight.

            But her loud screams shook us out of our reverie. Asahina was no longer a short, small girl. She now stood easily 7 feet tall and growing. Quickly. Her head hit the ceiling with a loud thud, causing her to crouch down, and consequently block the door. An expanding wall of flesh crept closer to us while the floorboards began to groan, the frantic Asahina looking down at us with tears in her eyes as she filled the front half of the clubroom

Chapter 2: The Growth of Suzumiya Haruhi I

            I’ve always been a bit skeptical of supernatural events, although it took me a while to realize that there is no way those things you see in anime and manga exist, I’ve never believed in Santa Claus. Naturally, when Nagato, Asahina and Koizumi told me their real identities I was a little hesitant, even though I’ve seen more than enough proof to tell me they are legit. But this, there is simply no way. Confronted with a 30 foot tall Asahina Mikuru on her hands and knees, clad only in her underwear, inside the SOS Brigade clubroom, I wasn’t quite sure what to do. If this was an anime, I’d probably launch into their air via a nosebleed and come back in 20 minutes to find everything normal. If I was a pervert, well, I think you know what I’d be doing. But I’m just a Grade A 100% normal human, so I did what any normal human being would do: Stare with my mouth open so wide I was lucky not to have some type of bird fly into it.

            Asahina, on the other hand, didn’t have the luxury of doing nothing. As I watched blankly I could practically see her expanding, faster and faster. There wasn’t much room left in  the clubroom now. With a flurry of noises, grunts and hiccups that could strike a man dead of cuteness Asahina began to push herself upwards, which had the complete opposite effect of what she wanted it to. Instead, the floor gave way underneath her. Which figures, since we are on the top floor after all. With a massive crash, the floor under Asahina broke and sent her crashing downwards, all the way to the first floor.

            Momentarily, she disappeared from view. With the object of my entrancement gone, I began to pull myself together, and looked around. About a quarter of the clubroom was left with stable flooring, although everything had been overturned. Still in her corner of the room, Yuki Nagato looked on, seemingly unconcerned. I’m not quite sure what it would take to faze her, but I’m very sure I don’t want to ever see it. In the confusion of Asahina’s growth I had released Haruhi, who was standing next to me still, staring blankly at the place where Mikuru was while holding the EAT ME bag. On her other side Koizumi was standing, looking at me, but with his trademark smile not visible. This must be pretty bad, to make him lose his poker face.

            But that was about all I got to do before the gigantic Asahina Mikuru made another appearance. The floor under us began to rock and another few feet of the remaining floor bubbled upwards, bursting to reveal reddish brown hair.

            Seeing the fact that we’re on the 3rd floor, and she should be on the 1st and that her posture indicated that she was still sitting, I came to the conclusion that Asahina had more than achieved “Damn Big” status. In front of me, her massive head turned slowly towards us. Even at normal size, Asahina had big eyes. But now, what had been “Puppy Dog Eyes” were now “Kiddy Pool Eyes,” and were now brimming with tears big enough to fill said Kiddy Pools. Her mouth was even with the floor beneath us, but we had no trouble hearing her.

            “Kyon-kun… I can’t get married anymore.”

            I hate to say it, but shouldn’t you have more important things to worry about? Naturally, I’d never say that out loud, though. What to say to comfort her… what to say to comfort her… It didn’t really matter, since I never got a chance to say it anyway. Asahina’s expansion continued unabated. The floor bubbled upwards again, revealing her nose, as her head struck the ceiling. Apparently, that last bit of support was all that the building could take. The floor under our feet began rumbling as it started to collapse. There was no way to get to the door, which was on the other side of Asahina, so instead I turned to the side and looked at Nagato, who nodded and began to mumble softly.

            “ SELECT teleportation

               TARGET koizumi_itsuki, yuki_nagato, suzumiya_haruhi, “kyon”

               DESTINATION 42,323,423,5645,755,434,784,34”

            Even she calls me… Wait, I have better things to worry about. A split second later, all four of us were outside the club building, near the sports field. Now in front of us we beheld a sight that most people will probably never see. The outsides of the Cultural and Arts club building (which held the clubroom we had hijacked from the Literature Clud) began to crumble and push outwards. All around, students were running and screaming. I don’t even want to think about what might have happened to anyone else in the building. And then, a foot appeared. But not just any foot. This foot was easily 20 feet long, and had just forced itself through the side of a building and come out unscratched. And then, and arm appeared, from higher up the building’s side. I’d imagine that the opposite side of the building looked much the same. With a rumble not unlike an explosion, Asahina’s head burst upwards out of the top of the building and began looking about frantically, tears in her eyes.

            She sounded really panicked, and for good reason. More and more of the building kept crumbling away, exposing the smooth walls of flesh that were her legs, or an arm that would put a semi to shame, or her still very, very adequate breasts. Finally, Asahina stood up to leave the building. I hadn’t quite realized how big she had become, but it looked like her expansion had stopped at about 200 feet tall. She stood there for a second, and then screamed out in a voice that probably shattered every window and set off every car alarm in town as her arms flew up to cover herself. As Koizumi and me rolled on the ground holding our ears, Asahina began walking, to try and prevent further harm to anyone who might somehow still be alive in the building underneath her. With massive, earthshaking steps she walked towards the field.

            Of course, Asahina Mikuru is a pretty clumsy girl. Her first step didn’t quite go as planned as her massive foot slammed down on the covered hallway that led from the club building to the one next to it. Her second slammed down on the Athletic Shack, undoubtedly destroying the athletic team’s equipment. With each act of accidental destruction the 200 foot tall girl let loose a light (to her) “Huuuuueeeeeee” noise that had to be pretty high up on the cuteness scale, if it didn’t pierce your eardrums. Her third step nearly killed all four of us, but luckily she missed, although the vibrations from her foot’s impact knocked everyone but Nagato over. After this, she was home free and after leaving a series of huge footprints, sat down in the middle of the field. Quickly, we ran after her, coming up next to her calf and while yelling to attract her attention. We were met on the field by Asahina’s friend, Tsuruya, who was standing in front of the gigantic girl and waving at her, and as per usual, laughing at her. How this girl is a friend of the timid Asahina Mikuru I’ll never understand.

            “Haha- Wow! Mikuru! You’re huge! Did you finally become an exhibitionist? Those costumes weren’t enough? Ahaha!”

            Yeah, that’s a good idea. Taunt the 20 story tall girl. After that, she turned to us.

            “So… what happened?”

            As if I know. Come to think of it, this all started when Haruhi brought in that bag of weird cookies. And then she forced Asahina to eat a quarter of one…

            Wait, a quarter of one, and now she’s 200 feet tall. That’s 800 feet per cookie. And Haruhi has a bag full of them…

            Behind me a massive booming noise unlike anything I had heard before sounded. Slowly, I turned around, praying that it wasn’t what I though it was.

            Oh, great.   

Chapter 3: The Growth of Suzumiya Haruhi II

            Over time, I had come to accept that strange things tend to happen when you’re around Haruhi. She doesn’t really mean for it to happen, it just kind of does. A 200 foot tall Asahina Mikuru was something that I hadn’t expected, but I was pretty sure that Nagato or Itsuki could sort the situation out giving time. But when I turned around, I suddenly understood that this situation was a lot worse than I thought it was. Shooting straight upward like a rocket, Haruhi made a rather impressive sight. She stood at about the same size as Asahina did, but was quite rapidly moving past that position. I really had to wonder though, when did she change into the Bunny Girl suit? Did she even have it when her when we left the clubroom? Evidently she hadn’t quite had time to put the whole thing on, since she was missing the hose and shoes, although the ears and leotard were there in all their glory.

            There wasn’t really much to do but gape upwards as Haruhi climbed into the heavens. In the time it took me to turn around and open my mouth in surprise, she had reached roughly twice Asahina’s height. Her hands were planted proudly on her hips, her chest thrust forward, and her victory smile, a confusing look somewhere between the cat who ate the canary and “Aha! With this I have cured cancer!” was slapped onto her face. As per usual, it seemed that she didn’t really have any idea what the results of her actions would be.

            I spun around, looking at the people around me, who had fallen silent, all of them watching breathless. Well, besides for Nagato, who just stared upward with her usual expression. Nearly 100 feet above me, Asahina’s face was about to well up into a new burst of tears as she watched herself be dwarfed by her club leader, doubtlessly scared to death of what would come next. I wish that I could do something to console her, but now was just not the time.

            Of course, during the time I spent looking about, Haruhi had kept growing. And that she had done quite magnificently. To say that she was huge was an understatement. Her toes alone towered far, far over our heads. I couldn’t see her face anymore thanks to her breasts, and her legs could quite easily have passed for flesh colored skyscrapers. I ran it over quickly in my head using what frames of reference I had, and came up with a number. She was at least 1000 feet tall. And growing, fast. With a terrible screech, her immobile but rapidly expanding feet rolled over what remained of the metal sports storage shed that Asahina had destroyed earlier, and then impacted the school building with a thud.

            Haruhi didn’t even seem to notice that the side of her foot and a building were going at it, Sumo style, but that didn’t stop her from winning the fight. Deprived of it’s foundations, the 4 story building began collapsing, spilling building materials all over Haruhi’s foot. Now this got her attention in the way only a few tons of bricks and stone can, although it probably felt like somebody tapped her gently.

            Her growth was slowing but still continuing as she leaned forward, her huge face coming into view over the mountains on her chest. Were they always that big, in comparison to the rest of her? Those were some interesting cookies she had brought.

            Her smile was still there, but now her mouth was so large that she could have used a semi as a toothpick. Or half a toothpick. Or maybe even less. I couldn’t really tell from down here. Her eyes looked about for a quick second before settling on the offending rubble. It was then that she moved. She probably didn’t even think about it. No, I’m positive she didn’t. But that didn’t change its effects. With amazing speed, Haruhi flicked her foot forward to throw off the offending rubble. It was such a minor action, but it sent half a school building worth of debris flying at several hundred miles an hour across the city. Like a giant shotgun the projectiles struck a wide swath of destruction across the other side of town, shattering buildings and probably killing a lot of people.

            At ground zero, however, we didn’t have time to worry about that. As her foot kicked forwards a huge blast of displaced wind swept over us. Like a tornado, but easily 10 times worse, the wind sent everyone besides Nagato flying, who simply stood there looking upwards, unaffected. Blasted by the wind, I was sent flying. By some miraculous stroke of luck, this turned out not to be as bad as it could have been however. Rather than plunging to my death, I struck something soft and bouncy in midair, and held on with all my might. When the sudden blast of wind abated, I looked around at my new flesh covered surroundings. Unable to hold on much longer I slowly slid down the soft surface before impacting a large piece of pink material… Asahina’s bra.

            Yippee! Or so I would like to say, but this wasn’t a moment for joy. Even the 200 foot tall Asahina had been blown over by the wind, but luckily she hadn’t been accidentally kicked by Haruhi. Instead, she had simply sprawled over onto the field, and was now slowly beginning to stir and move again. Slowly, she began to lift herself up, giving me no option but to hang on for dear life as Asahina stood up. When I opened my eyes again, I was 150 or so feet in the air, clinging to a giant pink bra strap.

            And if I thought that Asahina was tall, then Haruhi would have to qualify for “Gimungous” status. Despite being 200 feet tall, Asahina barely even cleared Haruhi’s ankle. Standing at 2400 feet tall, Haruhi towered over everything in sight. And with her trademark victory smile across her face, she was staring directly down towards us.

Chapter 4: The Rampage of Suzumiya Haruhi I

            I’m not really sure what to say about this situation. I probably just pissed my pants, but all that I could do was stare upwards at Haruhi’s face hanging so far above me. As I watched, I could see her mouth begin to open, and then a split second later my ears were assaulted by the sound of her voice.

            “Well? I told you it would be interesting!” She laughed, acting like she had just shown us her favorite pet frog or something. “I waited so long for something to happen, and now it falls right into my lap! Now, Mikuru-chan…” Haruhi’s voice blasted down at us, understandable but very, very loud. Still smiling, she began to reach downwards, her huge hand extending towards Asahina, who was literally reduced to a (gigantic) pile of sobs shaking in fear. Right before Haruhi could wrap her fingers around her, Asahina surprised us all by turning around and taking off running as fast as she could.

            And when I say surprised, I mean it. Asahina’s… assets… which were currently what I was situated upon, lurched as she spun, nearly throwing me free, but my kung-fu death grip on her bra held me in place. Then the forward motion from her running pushed me backwards into the soft cushion of flesh, for a few seconds at least. After that the jiggling that would have put a Jello factory to shame kicked in as the panicked girl ran forwards.

            It didn’t take her long to get off the school’s field. A few steps, really, considering her size, and she was into town. Far below me her huge feet were slamming down on the pavement, cracking it and leaving large holes. All around her buildings that rose up to her waist, at highest, with most homes only reaching her mid-calf  at highest, shook as the 200 foot girl thundered through the street. She was large, but luckily she was able to run without stepping on any homes, although things like postboxes and walls edging up to the road were reduced to rubble under her crushing weight. With a speed that I wouldn’t have thought possible she sprinted down the road towards the other town.

            Behind us the 2400 foot Haruhi watched, her smile unchanged as her prey ran away. Straightening herself out and replanting her hands on her hips, she watched with an amused look in her eyes.

            “Aaah! As expected of Mikuru-chan! It wouldn’t be any fun if it was too easy. And if we move around, it’s even better advertising for the SOS Brigade!”

            Advertising? She thought this was advertising? I would have strangled her if I wasn’t 2394 feet too short.

            But, I guess that it’s natural that she would think like that. She IS Haruhi after all, even though she was about 8 times as tall as Godzilla and dressed in a bunny girl suit.

            After speaking, she stood watching for a few seconds as Asahina pounded pavement (and cars, walls, small buildings and probably people) while sprinting across town. And then she began moving. Her monolithic leg lifted upwards, raising her absolutely gigantic foot and moving it forward. Caring little where she stepped, Haruhi’s foot slammed down, crushing several blocks. Few buildings stood higher than her toe, as a matter of fact few buildings stood at all as the vibrations from the impact of Haruhi’s weight shook them to their foundations, collapsing nearly everything nearby.

            Of course, this all took about 2 seconds. Then her other leg moved, causing a repeat performance, but even closer to us now. Even the 200 foot Asahina, who was still running as fast as she could through town, was shaken and nearly lost balance from the impact. It was really all that I could do to just hang on and not go plummeting to my death.

            And then another, stronger impact shook us again. Walking at a normal (for her size) pace, Haruhi was following Asahina’s footsteps across town, and gaining fast. Those 12 times longer legs weren’t just for show, obviously, and Haruhi has always been almost freakishly good at physical activities, not that that would change the outcome of this little chase at all.

            Squeaking and sobbing, Asahina ran with the speed of pure fear, no longer paying attention to her surroundings as she crashed through any building in her way like some kind of runaway bull. The sound of massive impacts grew closer and closer as Haruhi’s feet slammed down on entire city blocks behind us. Her booming laughter rent the air behind us as she gave chase.

            Finally, Asahina burst through the last blocks of buildings and into the hills surrounding the town. Haruhi couldn’t have been more than a few steps behind her now as she poured on more speed, her feet throwing trees and boulders in big sprays behind her thanks to her desperate running. When she reached the top of the hill she jumped into the air, probably hoping to land on the slope of the next hill and keep running.

            But she never landed. Suddenly, while still in mid-air, a giant hand wrapped itself upon Asahina’s midsection and hoisted her far, far up into the sky. The G-forces from this act alone pushed me down hard into Asahina’s soft flesh, not that I was complaining or anything. But when I opened my eyes and could see straight again I was staring directly into Haruhi’s gigantic golden eyes. Of course, she probably couldn’t see me at all, just a tiny speck on Asahina’s bra. Her smile was somehow even larger than before, but above me I could hear Asahina wheezing in fear of what would inevitably come next.

            “Aaaaa, Mikuru-chan GET!” Haruhi’s voice burst out, the sound leaving my ears ringing. “Now… let’s take a look at you…” Opening her hand, Haruhi switched off so that she was holding one of Asahina’s arms in each hand, leaving the 200 foot girl dangling like a Barbie doll before her. “Hmmm…” She muttered, considering something as she stared at the girl’s body, clad in only her underwear. “I don’t have any costumes…”

            That again! Even in this situation?

            “And you would look so good in it. Mikuru the Mega Maid! We could make another movie about it! Or maybe Attack of the Giant Nurse! It would sell like hotcakes!”

            Ugh. Although I can’t honestly say I wouldn’t like to see that. Maybe it’s the oxygen depravation getting to my head. Should I even be alive at 2300 feet in the air? It wasn’t as cold as I thought it would be, and I wasn’t having any trouble breathing. Weird.

            Haruhi was still talking, although I could hardly understand the booming of her voice and Asahina was obviously about to die of fright at the whole situation so who knows what she was talking about. Haruhi was toying with the little girl like a marionette, dancing her around hanging by her arms and generally enjoying herself at Asahina’s expense, as per usual. But then, suddenly, something happened. I couldn’t tell whether Haruhi slipped or she was intentionally sitting down in the worst way possible, but she suddenly began to fall backwards, her gigantic ass coming down on the town. Anything that was left standing nearby was probably sent tumbling down from the massive tremors caused by the impact.

            Haruhi’s grip on Asahina loosened on impact, leaving her in freefall, plummeting down until she struck Haruhi’s chest. But upon Asahina’s impact a most peculiar thing happened. Just barely I could make out a small brown bag with the words EAT ME written on them fly upwards out of Haruhi’s bunny-girl costume, probably shaken free by the impact. About half of it’s contents were thrown free of the bag, the cookies continuing upwards, and upwards until the struck something… Asahina’s mouth, to be exact. The tiny brown dots flew into the massive red cavern and were never seen again.

            Although their effects certainly were.

Chapter 5: The Irritation of Suzumiya Haruhi

            Everything is just a matter of perspective. Sitting there, on Haruhi’s breast, I realized something: She was big. Damn big. Unbelievably huge, so large that nothing could be bigger.

            Or so I thought. Looking back, I would realize something.

            I was so wrong it wasn’t even funny.

            The massive impact of Mikuru into Haruhi’s chest had jostled me free of her bra, sending me tumbling for what seemed like an eternity in the air between the two behemoth girls. I barely had time to notice the tiny bag fly towards Mikuru’s mouth, and what it meant didn’t even register as my thoughts turned to how I was going to survive this several hundred foot fall. Like a rock thrown off a skyscraper, I closed my eyes as I slammed into Haruhi’s flesh, right above the top of her bunny suit.

            Death wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be.

            Or was it really death? I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. My eyes opened slowly. Around me I could see a blue glow. I noticed that on either side of me were two people. Slowly looking up, I identified them: Yuki Nagato and Itsuki. Well, that was to be expected. Slowly I stood. We were floating about a foot off of an immense tan slope, which I realized was Haruhi. She was still reclined on top of the town, her huge body only beginning to lift itself up. Somehow, even as the surface below us rose upwards we stayed a fixed distance away from it. Slowly I looked over at Nagato, noting how she was looking down at me with her typical emotionless look. I must have had a weird expression on my face, as she then began to talk.

            “An unprecedented event has occurred. The Integrated Data Entity has noted a distinct increase in the amount of data being created. Suzumiya Haruhi is altering this world to meet her own ends.”

            Ok…. What?

            “So are you going to do something about it?” I said, looking at the two people next to me.

            “The Integrated Data Entity has decided that this may be the gateway to Auto-Evolution. We are to observe and record these events, but not interfere. Do not worry, I will ensure your safety, as your death may cause Suzumiya Haruhi’s subconscious to become unstable.” Nagato said flatly.


            Well, at least I was probably going to survive this. It didn’t look like the city could take much more, though.

            Then, Itsuki started to talk. “Honestly, this is a worst case scenario. My superiors are in an uproar over this, so we’ll just have to see what happens. Our powers don’t work on real people, although it seems that this whole city is now much like a closed space, which is letting us stay airborne.”  He had his typical unconcerned look on, but I could tell that he was sweating a little.

            “So does that mean that the city will revert back to normal when she’s done?” I asked hopefully.

            “Well, honestly, I have no idea. You might have to ask Nagato about that.” Nagato didn’t seem to be paying much attention to us now, though. Who knew what was going on inside her head.

            From behind and far above us, a noise shook us from our conversation.

            “A-cha-cha-cha… That hurt!” Haruhi’s huge voice blasted from behind us. Down on her stomach, Asahina was curled up into a ball, shaking. Sitting up further, Haruhi looked down at the smaller girl. “Mikuru-chan, are you okay?” She said, bringing her arm over and poking the smaller girl with her pointer finger. “Helloooo….?”

            Slowly, Asahina moved. She turned over, getting onto her knees. Her arms were clutched across her chest. “Suzumiya-san… It…” She began, but her shaky voice turned unintelligible as she began to squeal in surprise. Far above, movie screen sized eyes looked downwards at the girl. The three of us resting upon Haruhi’s chest could only watch in amazement as Asahina began to get larger once again. Out loud, I swore. Inside, I cheered. A giant Asahina is far better and less dangerous than a giant Haruhi.

            Slowly but relentlessly she expanded. She was still crouched on Haruhi’s stomach, but she was running out of space. She continued outwards. She passed 500 feet. Then 1000. Up and up she went. She was now straddled on top of the twice as large Haruhi, growing rapidly. Another 500 feet. Now her legs were extended on the ground to the side of Haruhi, the expanding flesh bulldozing buildings. And still she grew. A few minutes later, she was looking Haruhi in the eyes, but that didn’t last long as her growth sped up. Larger and larger she grew, her gigantic breasts slamming into Haruhi’s face as their relentless growth continued. Haruhi was trying to say something, but her voice was muffled behind the mountain sized breasts and drowned out by Asahina’s squeaks of surprise, and now, surprisingly enough, pleasure as Haruhi’s warm head was pushed into her very adequate mounds. And she continued to expand. She was twice the size of Haruhi now, then three times. Her legs and hands were grinding up the city as her over 6000 foot body continued to grow, smothering the massive but pinned Haruhi. Finally, with the use of her even at normal size surprising strength, Haruhi pushed the gigantic Asahina off of her. Slowly, as if in slow motion, we watched as the beyond huge Asahina was pushed upwards, the sky above us dark and tan colored from her flesh, and moved to the side.

            With an impact of unbelievable force the over a mile tall girl struck the city, leveling everything beneath her, sending out shockwaves that knocked over every building in the city left standing. There was no way there could be any survivors from that. Asahina was slightly surprised as her massive breasts slammed into the ground, but at her size she couldn’t feel much underneath her as she continued growing, her body taking up more and more space. Her eyes were closed as she let loose a deafening stream of panic noises from her mouth. It would be cute normally, but at this point those seemingly harmless noises were breaking every surviving piece of glass around.

           

            With a dizzying flipping motion Haruhi pushed herself upwards, turning over onto her hands and knees. I watched in awe as the massive tan plain below us suddenly became a massive tan sky and our feet hung with nothing under them for hundreds of feet, held aloft only by Itsuki’s power. With a scrambling movement, Haruhi swiftly crawled forwards, frantically fleeing from the rapidly expanding form of Asahina Mikuru.

            I looked backwards, trying to watch Asahina, but we were held so close to Haruhi’s breasts that they filled most of my vision, the most of the rest was filled by her pumping thighs as she crawled forwards. Between those huge skyscrapers, though, I caught a glimpse of a massive wall of flesh rolling forwards, crushing buildings as it expanded with astounding speed. As fast as Haruhi was crawling, this smooth, jiggly, half bra covered wall was closing fast.

            Finally, Haruhi stood and simply began to run, her feet throwing sprays of wreckage backwards, pelting the expanding flesh with huge chunks of concrete and other material, although to either of the girls it was little more than dirt beneath them. Quickly, Haruhi gained some distance from Asahina, the up and down motion generated by her running making me sick to my stomach. Struck by the motion sickness I bent over, but below only the sight of thousands of tons of jiggling bunny suit encased chest awaited me. A fine coat of sweat covered her from either fear or the exertion, and the running motion was sending droplets of the salty liquid the size of people flying all around.

            Eventually she stopped running, and turned around as she reached the edge of town. What she saw when she turned around, though, was shocking to all of us. Towering upwards unlike anything I had ever seen, Asahina’s face was looking far, far down at us, her eyes panicked. Eyes that put baseball stadiums to shame looked down from her huge face. She was still laying on her stomach, so below her massive face and giant neck, breasts that were surely at least a mile wide each bubbled outwards, pushed against the ground beneath her, although it was clear that her breasts were the victor in the battle between the Earth and Asahina Mikuru, as the gigantic orbs embedded themselves deep into the ground. Although it was hard to see it, behind this awe inspiring display the rest of her body lay stretched across the city, her legs slightly spread as they overran the hills and mountains outside of town. Over 13 miles away from her head her giant feet were rigid with the same surprise that clenched the rest of her body, frozen while still in the process of leveling mountains and forests. Her arms were extended to her sides, snaking outwards, the massive appendages draped over the hills outside of town.

            In the face of an opponent of such size, even Haruhi was frozen in awe of the sheer scale that Asahina was displaying. To my sides, though, Itsuki and Nagato looked fairly nonchalant, although I could see that Itsuki was at least a little bit worried by how he now stared to glance at his watch anxiously. Was he waiting for something?

Both of the giant girls simply stared at each other for some amount of time. It felt like ages, but how long really passed I can’t remember. Then, Haruhi began to move. Slowly, she walked forwards. Maybe she was overcome by jealousy, maybe she decided Asahina wouldn’t hurt her, who knows, but a look somewhere between confidence and anger appeared on her face. She walked to within about 3/4ths of a mile, which was only about 4 inches or so to Asahina, and began to shout upwards.

“Mikuru-chan! Mikuru-chan! What the hell is this? Who gave you permission to be bigger than the Brigade Leader! Hey! Look at me when I’m talking to you!” And with those last words she actually ran forwards and threw herself into a flying kick, slamming both of her feet into Asahina’s chest with the same attack she had used to drop quite a few people before. But instead of causing any real results, the soft, yet surprisingly firm flesh merely bounced off the attack, although the impact set off a spurt of wild jiggling. Even though the attack was light, it succeeded in snapping Asahina out of her surprised stupor. Her massive eyes looked downwards, locking on the irate Haruhi who had picked herself up and was now jumping up and down while ranting. A questioning look crossed Asahina’s huge, doe like eyes, the expression cute enough to instantly give you cavities at normal size, but now magnified thousands of times. Still laying spread across the city, Asahina simply watched as the huge, but tiny in comparison, girl ranted away angrily.

            But then suddenly her eyes flew wide in shock. Asahina’s eyes stared upwards at something I couldn’t see in panic.

            “Ah, she’s here.” I heard Itsuki’s voice say to my side.

            A massive noise unlike anything I’d ever heard sounded from behind Haruhi. A blast of displaced air knocked the over 2000 foot girl over, sending her sprawling into Asahina’s breasts.

            I looked around frantically, but all I could see was a massive tan wall. I quickly glanced backwards, noticing that a wall was present there too, but high above Asahina’s distinctive star birthmark was there. I spun around, and looked upwards. In my panic, all that popped into my head was: Green hair.

            Then, a voice boomed out.

            “Yo! Mikuru! You enjoyings yourself down there?”